5 months ago.

Five months ago, we were given the answer to Charlotte's discomfort.  After months of just dealing with it and trying everything that everyone told me, I took the initiative and scheduled a pediatric allergist appointment.  I was nervous, but had an intuition that her body was trying to tell me something.  After discovering her multiple allergies, I was relieved to have an answer, but overwhelmed with what the allergies entailed.  

As much as I wanted to continue nursing her, I had moments of discouragement.  I thought I was causing her pain.  The mother's guilt was strong.  But since I nursed Liv until toddlerhood, it was all I knew.  The thought of entering a new world (of formula) was just another new territory that seemed overwhelming to me.  

I also felt that Charlotte was going to have so many restrictions when she gets older, that I didn't want to take he "mommy's milk" away from her (again, mother's guilt).  Or is it that I didn't want to take that time away from me? 

It took quite some time for me to research, explore, and sample all of the new foods that were dairy/egg/nut/peanut/shellfish free.  I also didn't want to have too  much soy since her test showed a slight positive to that.  I would go to Whole foods and read all of the labels.  It was like a scavenger hunt.  At times, I would cry; other times, I would be excited about a new discovery.  I became best buds with my rice cooker.  I knew that whatever I ate, went to her.  And, I also knew that i needed to learn the ropes now before i started introducing her to foods.

Five months later, I am here to say that even though i have struggled, at times.  I am thankful.  I have always had a strong pull towards nutrition.  A strong pull towards eating from the earth.  Charlotte's allergies have steared me in the direction that I have always wanted to be in.  

Since nutrition was such a hobby (my mom swore i should have been a nutritionist), I had the option to wave in and out of it.  Now, I have a purpose and need to be focused on my body (and the family's).  

Charlotte has given me this gift.  At first, I felt like a victim.  But now, I, oddly, feel blessed.   Thank you, Bean.  Because of you, I am taking the path in life I have always wanted to take.  

Love you!